Hi, I'm Meg. I have perused the earth for 24 years..

Hi. hello, Hola, and a good day.
I have been absolutely horrible at writing regularly on here. I guess when i was lonely, miserable, and aimless i had nothing better to do...but my life now is so full of amazing things. I found myself quiet and alone this morning, instead of journaling i will type my crazy random thoughts to you, Reader. R u ready?
It was my birthday yesterday. I have been perusing this earth for 24 years. Its a good age i feel. Had the best birthday i have had in a while. A certain man took me camping this past weekend in my favorite spot with a telescope and a kite. Certain friends threw a surprise party for me with fabric flags and The Avett Brothers playing in the background. Beautiful cakes, flowers, and 1 banjo later i realize, i am blessed..

Ok, i feel the need to go back in time a few months just to refresh what i was going through. I was a recent college grad, i had just had my heart broken by having to rip myself away from this life i had made at Gladheart Farm Community.(still throb and miss those people)( see other blogs if interested)  I had no money, no job, and i was moving back in with my mom. My two best friends were both getting married, which only highlighted the fact that i was single, and so ready for my damn husband all at the same time.  ( not to marry necessarily, just to at least have him in my life). I was just so lonely, and your mummy will not suffice when u just feel like a loser.
 I hit rock bottom. I had no friends here, everyone else seemed to be starting an amazing life and i was here scrambling for just the pieces. I cried a lot, asked my mom if i was a loser, A LOT. Of course she said no, moms always will when u ask that.

Somehow I scrounged through. I found myself one particular day downtown in a coffee shop. I was writing in their communal journal, writing my sadness, when i looked up and saw a sign for a church hanging above the counter.. The sign refreshed me, i instantly looked it up and decided to go. As soon as i saw a homeless man directing traffic that sunday morning, i knew this church was not only different, but it was exactly what i needed. I had made the decision years before ,that i would never step into a church building again unless it was being used a bomb shelter and we were under attack. I was refreshed that this was in a historic theatre, this church looked hip, and the people were so real. Actually every damn thing the church stood for happened to be what i found myself standing for. Community, love, thriving......etc they truly had it. I started inviting my brother and his wife, i started knowing people through my days in that coffee shop. I started having a full life again.
The father has not stopped giving me what i need since. I finally reached a place where i was desperate, i had the emergency brake pulled on my ass spiritually. I needed it. I was running my own life in panic, " I know God that you may have these plans for me, plans to stay in knoxville, plans to learn contentment but im still running, i have things to do, mountains to climb, places to see to further distract me from you, so just back the fuck off"...

i finally!!! came to a place where i realized that if i want to thrive spiritually, if i wanna be fully awake , i have to know true joy. I was starting to realize that my joy was only found in him. That i had to learn to coast in his love and trust, or i would never find contentment. Ever. No matter what adventurous place i had in mind. JOY,TRUE JOY was found and i will never have to look elsewhere.

Guess what? I'm still in knoxville, and Im not really freaking out, or in-content, or scrambling to leave because the father taught be contentment. He showed me what i really needed. a new perspective, to know my joy, to seek him and let him bring all these wonderful gifts into my life. To make roots here, and know people. To really dig in and know my city. I have and i am still doing that.

Yeah, i have plans to farm in New Zealand soon, but i know whenever it happens i will be ready for it, and there is no need to have a conniption until then.
If you knew me a few months or yrs ago, then you would fully grasp the capacity of what i just said. I was a runner, and I AM CONTENT. I am at peace. Me! Megan. You got it? ;)

I know community!  I have an amazing group of believers that are my truest friends. I dance, i drink good beer, i run around barefoot. I play with my nephew and am constantly amazed.

I have a certain man in my life that spoils me rotten and happens to have all the same goals and passions for a simple beautiful life that is full and adventurous. His heart is so good, and even the thought of sharing a life with him in marriage makes a smile appear. He cherishes me, protects me, and makes me feel beautiful. I finally met one who knows how to pursue, he has dark chocolate and caramel colored curls and a glorious beard. ( did u expect anything less) really?)
He gets me banjos for birthdays, and teaches me how to fly a kite. He only buys the good wine because  he realizes THIS IS LIFE. I want to build a life beside him. Can i tell you how excited that makes me? we might just pack up his van and leave one day.......;);)

i'll stop rambling. I just wanted to tell someone how blessed i feel. That life will be ok...
 not just ok, but beautiful.

i love you, reader, whoever you are.

-Meg