Eh.

What are you thinking?
I hear conversations in coffee shops of intention and patience. Of loving you like it's a fad. 
I hear girls praying for husbands, like they pray for shoes.

This believer once had flesh to her faith. 
Muscle, tissue, but there is just this bone now, that I can't stop staring at.
I want to build it into something new, using things like toothpicks and glitter, things that you understand and would chuckle at.

I love it here. It's like walking into a beautiful clearing after scrambling through brush and forest debris. 
I can see, I can breathe, and I am okay. 
I am in neutral.
I am an empty jar, sterilized and ready to be filled. 

You, God,that breathes down my neck now, is different.
You are in earnest pursuit of me. 
Smiling through your pants to catch up to my running, I'm always running.
I love that about you. So unashamed in your love and desiring only to stand beside me in this cleared space.
I will always love that and welcome it.

I know you approve, new God, old friend. 
I feel like this clearing is what you wanted to find in me all along. In this tangled thing called a heart. 
In the ones who believe, I think, it's what you hope to find.

-January 24, 2014