I want my life as perfect and beautiful as possible, the thing is, i cannot make it such on my own. I get this, it fades. I feel good, that also fades. HE DOESNT FADE. knowing this i still dance around him, my only joy, like an apache indian.
Life is a slow coast. I can't control it, i can only partially steer sometimes.
Father, how do you see me?
I want to thrive.
I want to be used.
I can't seem to reach you through this beautiful, frustrating mess.
Show up in an obvious way, thats all I ask.
Where? When? Him? Is this It? When will the beauty stop being elusive? When will YOU stop being so damn elusive?
You give me my dreams, why do you make them so hard to achieve?
Does my honesty please you? I can only hope because its all I can muster.
The ONLY constant is that love wins. PERIOD.
I LOVE YOU,
Meg
I'm right where you're at Megs. You write so beautifully & honestly!
ReplyDeleteLike most Christians I have struggled with a cyclically elusive and intimate relationship with the Father. A lot of my experience of that, I'm starting to think, has to do with me (though I thought I was past this) trying to re-live the honeymoon stages of my faith and to recapture the enlightened sense of freedom realized in those early stages of belief. I kept/keep longing for "spiritual milk" rather than "meat" to enlist the metaphor. I think that it's part of the Walk -the elusiveness of God. The Psalmist describes it as a chase (Pslam 63:1) -we seek Him continually. I think that's accurate. Deuteronomy 30:11-14 provides the reassurance that this is a race that we can persevere and that everything that we need to succeed is already in our mouths and within our hearts. I like that. He made us to succeed and to grow always closer to Him in perseverance and love. What a good race to be a part of!!
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