it pours.

It is almost 1:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep. Richard the pup is snoring beside me. I am sick, the christmas tree is finally up in this home. The reality of my God and the beauty of life has stabbed me back into living. It happened suddenly. I literally feel like i have been in a slumber, and i didnt realize it.

I was reading Annie Dillard and my old posts.

I used to love to live in the present, still do, but forgot how. I used to sit on my momma's front porch and write. I would scribble on her rocking chair, the date, my name, what i was feeling.

My mark on living in that moment. I was not worried about not having people near me, bc i had no one at the time, but in a way i miss being lonely, because i had nothing else but the moment before me. No one to run to to distract me from the beautiful reality of" I am alive!" I am breathing, feeling, dreaming...

It's that feeling of laughing so hard you can't find breath... Of staring at that sunset listening to that song. The one that pricks your heart and makes you feel like it was written just for you and for this moment. It's riding in the car with your feet hanging out the window. It is smelling the glossy coat of a horse and being taken back...and its lying in a field just listening..

I have forgotten how to just be in a breath of a moment.. but i am refreshed.

The fire has been put back under me. I will do things that make me come alive. I will wake with the sun and be astounded again.

I will rekindle my friendship with that person and truly taste that pumpkin latte. I will hitchhike to west knoxville tomorrow just for the hell of it and concentrate on my feet hitting the pavement.

BE AWAKE today, tomorrow, for the rest of your life really.

goodnight.

Meg