So much has happened. I have been dancing my little ass off at Sassy Ann's. I have friends again here, i have community, most of all i am knowing life. I think.
I cant really explain how damn good it feels to not let the anxiousness of controlling my own life get to me. IT IS GONE.
On my weak days i wonder what i am doing here, i want to skip off to another country. That whole" I'm young! i need to live while i can!" thing creeps back into my life. But what is "living" anyways. I can be living anywhere and the loneliness I felt not being fully known by the people i was around, it really killed me. Once upon a time..when I was traveling and had no intentions of stopping. If someone had told me I would be back here in knoxville,TN I would have cackled in their face.
Here i am. In the hometown where i was raised. 23 years old and my future is completely unknown, but ya know i am okay with it. I am hanging on to seeking the kingdom with all I have inside me. There i have found peace. Whenever anxiousness creeps back in, it is a clear sign that i am not tuning into him enough. Because true joy and peace cannot live where worry, doubt abide. They hate one another.
I have learned to let go and it is beautiful.
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