starving without daily bread and no!, cookies will not work.

I awoke today almost letting the worry get to me. I didn't choose it, I chose joy instead.

I am learning a hard lesson this week. That i have pride, selfishness, stubbornness inside that i need to kill. I have been running my own life because waiting on him takes patience, and I appear to have none.

Church really spoke to me this week. The teaching was on the need for community. IT'S ABOUT TIME. I need this, desire this above everything else in my life. It is coming slowly but it is coming still. That made reflect on my desires, which made me realize i don't deserve any of them. I pray for community, for purpose for simplicity. For direction and guidance. How can i ever be in his will to receive these things rightly, if i am not seeking him out daily? He gives us the desire of our hearts but we have to chase him running full force to receive these things the way they are supposed to be received. I have been asking myself if i really believe he gives us what we desire. I have realized maybe i have the things right in front of me that i have been screaming for, or maybe they are close if only realize i need him first for them to be given.

I am selfish but that is changing. I want to be a person that loves always, serving so fully that I have no time to live inside of my own crazy head. ..chasing the things independently. I will be here, present. If i seek after him wholeheartedly, all of these things i was chasing after on my own will be given, and when he gives them I am in his will. I need the father first.

I wanna forget myself totally and love radically. Dwell on this today, if you are reading my words.

"The Divine Praises"
Francis of Assisi

You are holy, Lord, the only God,
and Your deeds are wonderful.
You are strong.
You are great.
You are the Most High.
You are Almighty.
You, Holy Father are King of heaven and earth.
You are Three and One, Lord God, all Good.
You are Good, all Good, supreme Good,
Lord God, living and true.
You are love. You are wisdom.
You are humility. You are endurance.
You are rest. You are peace.
You are joy and gladness.
You are justice and moderation.
You are all our riches, and You suffice for us.
You are beauty.
You are gentleness.
You are our protector.
You are our guardian and defender.
You are our courage. You are our haven and our hope.
You are our faith, our great consolation.
You are our eternal life, Great and Wonderful Lord,
God Almighty, Merciful Saviour.