can i really do this.

" A rolling stone gathers no moss"

My step-dad keeps telling me this.

I am finding it more and more true for me right now. I have no roots anywhere and i think it is time for some. Not to say that these roots cant be really long ones. ..right? the kind that stretch and move..;) I am making a life in a spot. I will work. I will play and most importantly i will know people. Who knows for how long. I am just trying to be okay with it by not thinking of all the crazier things i could be doing and seeing.

I am always chasing this fleeting beauty that i can never fully capture. I might find myself holding it briefly but it always gets away from me. What is that?! I drives me crazy. I can be in the most beautiful of moments really trying to embrace it fully and still cannot.

I recall a moment when i tried.

I was sitting on top of a Mountain in Alaska watching Mt. Denali light up with the evening sunset. eating blueberries i picked from the tundra beside me. They were delicious. I said to myself in amazement " Megan look at what's around you, where you are at, what you are feeling. This is amazing. Breathe really deep. Close your eyes, NO don't close your eyes!. God this is too beautiful. Take it away OR take this annoying inability to consume this moment from me." What the hell is that? Why cant i consume something beautiful in the most full way? I don't think my human body could bare it. I feel the same about our father too. Why is he so damn elusive? Every time i feel like i have a grasp on him, he removes my hand gently. I love it so.

I want my forehead always touching the sky. Always.

Meg