holding life loosely..

I know that i need to give it all up for you father. I know i need to count you in on every decision in my everyday life. Maybe i am thinking too hard again but sometimes i need to be reminded how this plays out? What does that even look like?
Small prayers at the coffee counter as to what drink i should get? constant idleness because i am waiting on a audible voice from heaven as to what to do with my day off? Me standing on the sidewalk trying to hear a word from you as to which street to walk down knowing that one small conversation with a new stranger could change my live or theirs? wow. i am nuts.

I just want to be seeking your kingdom in every moment within my day without having to become a monk in a life of complete solitude. On days i wake up in a rush, when i do not let your beautiful flavor reach my heart, my day feels wasted. Like i could have connected with people, loved people, but my selfishness, complacency hindered me in doing so. On days i choose you before my feet hit the ground, i am reminded of my joy, I have a purpose, and all my common fears of life vanish. My life has meaning, i feel a divine battle fluttering around me creating hope where darkness once lived. Suddenly i know deeply that all the desires of my heart will be given because i have faith that you will provide them in your timing, because i am seeking you with everything I have.

I have learned to hold life loosely. Just be tossed to and fro but smile and love while doing so. Thinking of you often. Speaking to you by just opening my heart throughout the day. Seeking ways to be intentional, jumping over walls that separate us from one another.

Help me show grace to those closest to me, father. I am just thankful for life.

"Heaven is under our feet, as well as over out heads"

-Henry David Thoreau