holding life loosely..

I know that i need to give it all up for you father. I know i need to count you in on every decision in my everyday life. Maybe i am thinking too hard again but sometimes i need to be reminded how this plays out? What does that even look like?
Small prayers at the coffee counter as to what drink i should get? constant idleness because i am waiting on a audible voice from heaven as to what to do with my day off? Me standing on the sidewalk trying to hear a word from you as to which street to walk down knowing that one small conversation with a new stranger could change my live or theirs? wow. i am nuts.

I just want to be seeking your kingdom in every moment within my day without having to become a monk in a life of complete solitude. On days i wake up in a rush, when i do not let your beautiful flavor reach my heart, my day feels wasted. Like i could have connected with people, loved people, but my selfishness, complacency hindered me in doing so. On days i choose you before my feet hit the ground, i am reminded of my joy, I have a purpose, and all my common fears of life vanish. My life has meaning, i feel a divine battle fluttering around me creating hope where darkness once lived. Suddenly i know deeply that all the desires of my heart will be given because i have faith that you will provide them in your timing, because i am seeking you with everything I have.

I have learned to hold life loosely. Just be tossed to and fro but smile and love while doing so. Thinking of you often. Speaking to you by just opening my heart throughout the day. Seeking ways to be intentional, jumping over walls that separate us from one another.

Help me show grace to those closest to me, father. I am just thankful for life.

"Heaven is under our feet, as well as over out heads"

-Henry David Thoreau

Hey you, look at your hands.

Can i just remind you how beautiful being human is? Look at the creases in your hands. No stop, and really look, you aren't that hungry, you don't have to pee that bad, and that person can wait for 3 minutes. Look at those creases. They are incredible. So are you and the God who formed them.

I may be high on life. I have my joy back. I have my God back. I stopped running my own life. It was risky but it feels damn good to let my loving God be in control again.

Church today at knoxlife really spoke to me. In the teaching, the pastor mentioned the fact that all through scripture, not once do you find Jesus in a hurry. He was always present where ever he was. Always trusting the father.

How do we live our lives? In a rush? Not taking time to notice the small things, choosing not to invest in that person because welll" i just don't have time. I gotta get this done because it will help me fulfill this and that makes me look better and more successful in the world's eyes, I am worth something that way" What is life to you? I wanna look back and say, that i invested time in something of goodness rather than say i paid my bills on time or became this hot shot.

I have been so joyful this week. I have killed my selfishness, looked outward and sought the kingdom this week more than i have been. It really hits home to know that we can derive out Joy from NOTHING else but the father. In the same light, we can always come to him and find Life. Is that not the most comforting thought imaginable?

Yeah we are definitely less than perfect, but we are more than just flesh and bone.

We are not just here to exists but to THRIVE. We are invited into the kingdom and God has specific plans for our lives. Why would we not seek after that with everything in us?!

Why can't i just let go of myself, my selfish desires that would never fulfill me anyways, and run to him who can give it all to me?Let go of everything. Stop struggling, running, chasing plastic, being wayward and know that you might be missing out on something huge. The full life that he has for you.

When i look back at year 23, will i just see how foolish i was trying to create this life without you? I cant run it myself, i make a mess of it every time. Father kill the pride inside that tells me i dont need you, because i do. God do i ever.

"I'm holding onto your love, letting go of myself, saying so long to everything else."

We all seek after meaningless jargon to make ourselves feel worthy, but we are worthy already. Know that.

I know i have a hippy countenance anyways but lets live in love you all. Not the cheap sex, hippy kind but the kingdom is crashing in kind.

Jesus is not walking around among us any longer, you can't find him on Gay street, but we can share his ways with those around us. Even if you have to step out of the routine that is killing you anyways. It is up to us. Father God, let us be flavoring to the lives around us. I say that with everything inside me.