Back on Country Roads Again...

Leaving Alaska was so damn hard. I cried on the train to anchorage. It all started with the package my roommate gave me to open once i was rolling. My half of the map to the magic bus we never got to go to. I'll be back. I will see them again. For now I am back in TN. I feel strange. It has just been a little over a week and i already feel like i have been here for months. I miss my people in alaska sooooo much. I miss the tundra. the bus rides. the beards. the groovy vibe of it all.

This is such a weird time in my life. My schooling is over( good thing). I care nothing of being successful(career wise) unless its be accident. I find myself wanting to get rid of everything i do not regularly use(which is a lot) but then realize that i would want this stuff in my own cute little cob house, oh wait i do not have a cute cob house. I will just store it at my parents house for years and years until i settle down in one..will i settle down in one? will i settle down at all? Will i be happy doing that?! its such a permanent and elderly thing to do...then i Panic...i am such a spaz...

I am trying so hard to keep my self occupied being back here. Bike rides. Making and devouring hummus. Picking flowers. Sewing. Cooking. My aunt Boona. Rearranging. JAKOB DYLAN's raspy voice. Harmonica. Guitar. Books. Downtown. Zumba. Wearing shorts and going barefoot. and simplifying my life by getting rid of sooo many things i do not use .....These things make it easier. I AM using this time for spiritual rest and thoughts, which is much needed.

I find it frustrating that one can never soak up the moment in which they are in. They can say, " wow, this is great! I am gonna breath deep, take it in, oh wait I can't, I have to refill my lungs again, and that totally interrupts my process!" I guess this goes along with " you never knew what you had until it was gone"except with this one you actually realize that you cannot seize the moment while you are in it. It is the most frustratingly beautiful feeling. I know that once my time here is gone, there will be things i will miss. That being said, the struggle to soak up each moment, by living in the present, is still so very hard at times.

I am gonna try with every fiber of my being to be truly present in each moment, to break through the boundaries we humans have created, to do something crazy each and every day.

I will talk to that stranger.

I will sing that song.

I will notice that petal.

I will give that away because i truly do not need it.

He is alive in this day. In this moment. I wasn't created for this world, but another....

-Meg