BEAUTIFUL. Josh Garrells

Farther Along 

Farther along we’ll know all about it 
Farther along we’ll understand why 
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine 
We’ll understand this, all by and by 

Tempted and tried, I wondered why 
The good man died, the bad man thrives 
And Jesus cries because he loves em’ both 
We’re all cast-aways in need of ropes 
Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope 
In a house of mirrors full of smoke 
Confusing illusions I’ve seen 

Where did I go wrong, I sang along 
To every chorus of the song 
That the devil wrote like a piper at the gates 
Leading mice and men down to their fates 
But some will courageously escape 
The seductive voice with a heart of faith 
While walkin’ that line back home 

So much more to life than we’ve been told 
It’s full of beauty that will unfold 
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son 
That deadweight burden weighs a ton 
Go down into the river and let it run 
And wash away all the things you’ve done 
Forgiveness alright 

Chorus 

Still I get hard pressed on every side 
Between the rock and a compromise 
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul 
And I’ve got no place left go 
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown 
More glory than the world has known 
Keeps me ramblin’ on 

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall 
I’m free to love once and for all 
And even when I fall I’ll get back up 
For the joy that overflows my cup 
Heaven filled me with more than enough 
Broke down my levee and my bluff 
Let the flood wash me 

And one day when the sky rolls back on us 
Some rejoice and the others fuss 
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess 
That the son of god is forever blessed 
His is the kingdom, we’re the guests 
So put your voice up to the test 
Sing Lord, come soon 

white knuckles.

We hold our hands out in front of us.
One is holding our lives.. gripped, tight, knuckles turning white.
The other reaching out to grasp for things that would seemingly make our lives full.
We add them to the gripped hand, scared each moment upon its opening, that something we worked so hard to get will seep through to be lost.
This job, that house, that man, this dream, that goal, acceptance from this person.
Searching for worthiness and an escape from our many falters.
All this gripping, fighting, seeking has still left us empty.
We knew it would. God, did we ever.
 It didn't stop us from fondling the world for something that would make us feel alive.
We want something more...
we were made for it.

There is this story we are made to be a part of.
It requires a beautiful letting go.
Our focus becomes singlemindely focused on a higher power, your kingdom father, It requires us to hold our own life, loosely, in our hands.
This time all the things inside are jumbled, not in the way we put them in, they swarm in the containment, fluttering in a beautiful mess. We are in awe of you and forget to care.
We aren't reaching out any longer, ONLY UP, and suddenly all the things we groan for, out of needing, appear in the hand that holds our life.
Father God, we fear missing out on what you have for us, but if we are writhing for you, how could we miss it?
Keep us hungry.
Kill our complacency.
Let us make roots in you so our branches can reach further.

We don't want a life we made, we want one that you breathed.

holding life loosely..

I know that i need to give it all up for you father. I know i need to count you in on every decision in my everyday life. Maybe i am thinking too hard again but sometimes i need to be reminded how this plays out? What does that even look like?
Small prayers at the coffee counter as to what drink i should get? constant idleness because i am waiting on a audible voice from heaven as to what to do with my day off? Me standing on the sidewalk trying to hear a word from you as to which street to walk down knowing that one small conversation with a new stranger could change my live or theirs? wow. i am nuts.

I just want to be seeking your kingdom in every moment within my day without having to become a monk in a life of complete solitude. On days i wake up in a rush, when i do not let your beautiful flavor reach my heart, my day feels wasted. Like i could have connected with people, loved people, but my selfishness, complacency hindered me in doing so. On days i choose you before my feet hit the ground, i am reminded of my joy, I have a purpose, and all my common fears of life vanish. My life has meaning, i feel a divine battle fluttering around me creating hope where darkness once lived. Suddenly i know deeply that all the desires of my heart will be given because i have faith that you will provide them in your timing, because i am seeking you with everything I have.

I have learned to hold life loosely. Just be tossed to and fro but smile and love while doing so. Thinking of you often. Speaking to you by just opening my heart throughout the day. Seeking ways to be intentional, jumping over walls that separate us from one another.

Help me show grace to those closest to me, father. I am just thankful for life.

"Heaven is under our feet, as well as over out heads"

-Henry David Thoreau

Hey you, look at your hands.

Can i just remind you how beautiful being human is? Look at the creases in your hands. No stop, and really look, you aren't that hungry, you don't have to pee that bad, and that person can wait for 3 minutes. Look at those creases. They are incredible. So are you and the God who formed them.

I may be high on life. I have my joy back. I have my God back. I stopped running my own life. It was risky but it feels damn good to let my loving God be in control again.

Church today at knoxlife really spoke to me. In the teaching, the pastor mentioned the fact that all through scripture, not once do you find Jesus in a hurry. He was always present where ever he was. Always trusting the father.

How do we live our lives? In a rush? Not taking time to notice the small things, choosing not to invest in that person because welll" i just don't have time. I gotta get this done because it will help me fulfill this and that makes me look better and more successful in the world's eyes, I am worth something that way" What is life to you? I wanna look back and say, that i invested time in something of goodness rather than say i paid my bills on time or became this hot shot.

I have been so joyful this week. I have killed my selfishness, looked outward and sought the kingdom this week more than i have been. It really hits home to know that we can derive out Joy from NOTHING else but the father. In the same light, we can always come to him and find Life. Is that not the most comforting thought imaginable?

Yeah we are definitely less than perfect, but we are more than just flesh and bone.

We are not just here to exists but to THRIVE. We are invited into the kingdom and God has specific plans for our lives. Why would we not seek after that with everything in us?!

Why can't i just let go of myself, my selfish desires that would never fulfill me anyways, and run to him who can give it all to me?Let go of everything. Stop struggling, running, chasing plastic, being wayward and know that you might be missing out on something huge. The full life that he has for you.

When i look back at year 23, will i just see how foolish i was trying to create this life without you? I cant run it myself, i make a mess of it every time. Father kill the pride inside that tells me i dont need you, because i do. God do i ever.

"I'm holding onto your love, letting go of myself, saying so long to everything else."

We all seek after meaningless jargon to make ourselves feel worthy, but we are worthy already. Know that.

I know i have a hippy countenance anyways but lets live in love you all. Not the cheap sex, hippy kind but the kingdom is crashing in kind.

Jesus is not walking around among us any longer, you can't find him on Gay street, but we can share his ways with those around us. Even if you have to step out of the routine that is killing you anyways. It is up to us. Father God, let us be flavoring to the lives around us. I say that with everything inside me.

starving without daily bread and no!, cookies will not work.

I awoke today almost letting the worry get to me. I didn't choose it, I chose joy instead.

I am learning a hard lesson this week. That i have pride, selfishness, stubbornness inside that i need to kill. I have been running my own life because waiting on him takes patience, and I appear to have none.

Church really spoke to me this week. The teaching was on the need for community. IT'S ABOUT TIME. I need this, desire this above everything else in my life. It is coming slowly but it is coming still. That made reflect on my desires, which made me realize i don't deserve any of them. I pray for community, for purpose for simplicity. For direction and guidance. How can i ever be in his will to receive these things rightly, if i am not seeking him out daily? He gives us the desire of our hearts but we have to chase him running full force to receive these things the way they are supposed to be received. I have been asking myself if i really believe he gives us what we desire. I have realized maybe i have the things right in front of me that i have been screaming for, or maybe they are close if only realize i need him first for them to be given.

I am selfish but that is changing. I want to be a person that loves always, serving so fully that I have no time to live inside of my own crazy head. ..chasing the things independently. I will be here, present. If i seek after him wholeheartedly, all of these things i was chasing after on my own will be given, and when he gives them I am in his will. I need the father first.

I wanna forget myself totally and love radically. Dwell on this today, if you are reading my words.

"The Divine Praises"
Francis of Assisi

You are holy, Lord, the only God,
and Your deeds are wonderful.
You are strong.
You are great.
You are the Most High.
You are Almighty.
You, Holy Father are King of heaven and earth.
You are Three and One, Lord God, all Good.
You are Good, all Good, supreme Good,
Lord God, living and true.
You are love. You are wisdom.
You are humility. You are endurance.
You are rest. You are peace.
You are joy and gladness.
You are justice and moderation.
You are all our riches, and You suffice for us.
You are beauty.
You are gentleness.
You are our protector.
You are our guardian and defender.
You are our courage. You are our haven and our hope.
You are our faith, our great consolation.
You are our eternal life, Great and Wonderful Lord,
God Almighty, Merciful Saviour.

old prayer found in a drawer

When I thought to be content without you..you dazzle me leaving me feeling foolish..

I would spend my days chasing you, but other breezes have caught my attention with their melodies lulling me to walk this way or that..

I have forgotten the sweet tune of my father..my God..

the only tune that ever settles my ever wandering spirit..is you.

I was wonderfully reminded of you today, in the quiet, creamy days of light,

I can still feel you after all this time.something thought to be easily forgotten..refreshed my thinking and latched on to my soul.

This desire will never cease. For even when I am far i am craving to be near you, and it is this craving that marks me as your own.

To measure our closeness in meters is foolish. Learning to know you has no standard. My heart has found freedom in you father God, and I curse my own life and claim it blessed in the same breath.

What is this invisible force pulling me towards you? It can't be defined, all I know is you have your hands on me, when I am so sure that its all me. I am wrong, so wrong. You take a highlighter to my life, make it noticed, through you unbending love. There are just no words to be found, there never are. I find you whispering words to my soul when I finally settle enough to listen..

"enjoy the simple beauty of me, set your suitcases down and be here"

I look at the light and feel like I see you behind it. You are faceless but wooing me still, and I am tousled...

why don't we eat strawberry tops?

My thoughts are so scattered. Easily and always.

Last night I went to a family friend's property to see our horses. Walking through a field barefoot, watching the sun dance in the field grass, riding four wheelers, and smelling the the coat of a horse, all reminded me of a greater time in my life. I am in my element with a life like this because it is simple and beautiful. I feel God in everything in times like these.

Everything i seem to do lately reminds me of what i desire out of this life. I want peace and joy. Land, people, hard work, white shutters, goats, chickens. I want the smell of hay, to watch the sun go down with people i love, on a front porch. I want rolling hills and tree swings. Banjo music and cold beer. I want to learn how to work together to make something happen with like minded people. This is how i want to settle... but its not time to settle now. I need people to want this with me. I want a life that is seen as beautiful and different, a part from how the rest of the world lives. I want to invite others in this life with me. I will always keep an open table.

I am at a point in life where my decisions are starting to matter. Things i decide now are starting to affect the rest of my life. Panic sets in that I'm not doing enough, but then this whole being at peace thing is important too, so I'm battling the two. Should I work towards building this life now, and then leave for adventure so i can have something to come home too? should i wait for when I am ready to settle? I want this place ready for me and ready to invite others to join me. This dream will remain living inside of me. It could be a while, but my stubbornness will prevail in making this a reality.

I was driving down the interstate today eating a strawberry. When i got to the leafy top, i wondered why we didn't eat that part. "Why don't I eat this part of the strawberry?! It is probably just as good for me as the rest", but somehow i have seen others not eat it, its the norm and i throw it out every time. Well before today.

I ate the top today.

I sat with this old lady this afternoon. I was reminded how beautiful it is to gain a stranger's trust and friendship. We bonded over C.S Lewis and healthy food. yeah thats right, I watched food inc. with an 80 year old french woman. Movie nights at her place will be happening soon.

The loneliness of these old people i am meeting makes me ache. They should be at a full table, with people, sharing their wisdom, being taken care of.

I battle staying here. I struggle paying the rent. I will know people here and get on my feet.

I will take Richard for walks at midnight and feel free on the sidewalk.

I pray that all who want and need something more today find it. True peace is there, its a gift. We can unwrap and delve in, save it for next christmas, poke at it, destroy it or star it for hours, years, i would say we all should open it and be amazed. Be intentional and laugh.

you cant run with suitcases...

so drop em and start frolicking in his joy like he wants you too...

Meg